You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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