Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
