? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
