it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
