what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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