Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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