mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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