oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
