Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
