One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
