I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
