guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
