You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
