the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
