Don't make out with my wife yet
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
