i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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