his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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