I wish I could punch you in the face.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works