I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying