Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?