we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult