Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
