I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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