When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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