maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
