Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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