I wannas sexs uuuuu
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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