My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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