it was like having sex with a tree stump
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
