Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
