this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
