I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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