All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
