my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
