She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"