How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa