when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.