she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes