I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.