we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.