Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.