She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that