i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
