I feel like abortions should bother me more
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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