i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
