Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
