im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
