i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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