Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
