There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
