Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
