i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
