I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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