I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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