I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize