I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
