pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize