I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Come see our sink grown plant.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
