I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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