guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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