She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
