We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
