yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
