We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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