He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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