Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
