If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
