i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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