That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
