thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
