i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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