It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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